Week 3: Being called "Ma'am"

In the last post, I had vented (rather bitch-ily) about the ex-pats here. . . as if I were somehow "better" than they were. Well this week, I'm going to talk about how I LOVE having access to such a subservient class, and how appreciative I am of what "great service" should really be like!  In short, today I embrace my indulgent, entitled ex-pat experience! 

In short, anyone in the service industry should do a training in Dubai, where they can learn to be appropriate servile, respectful, with any conversation to be initiated and concluded only by the served, not the server.  Most importantly -- it should not be tagged to tipping.  It should be one's job.

I am, unquestioningly and happily a "Ma'am" here.  

In New York, I HATED being called Ma'am.  Being called "Ma'am" in New York was almost always preceded by a request, and usually followed by some passive-aggressive, back-handed insult -- and undoubtedly spoken by some dramatic little queen (who is really an "actor," and not a waiter), and who, not so secretly, thinks you're an old bitch:   "Ma'am?? (In the U.S.  it's two-syllables, with voice inflection always going up at the end.) Was there a problem with the service?"  "Ma'am? I'm trying to help you. . !."(Read:  You're being difficult or stupid.)  To me, the word "Ma'am," in New York, is always followed by an angry question mark.  And it's usually some kind of veiled insult.  When someone's actually trying to be nice to you, they'll say "Miss" -- even if you're 75 years old -- and even then it's a statement: "Clearly you're no spring chicken, but I'm being NICE!"    But when you get a "ma'am" here, you're a bitch.

I know it's different in the South.  Definitely more respectful, but I find it's turned a bit "emphatic" today.  Kind of a politeness calling card that says, "See? I'm showing you respect! I was raised well.  I'm polite!" (Read:  Not like you Northern heathens.)  It almost doesn't matter what you say:  "Yes, MA'AM."  "No, MA'AM".  Just saying "ma'am" is more important than the gratuitous other words. . .don't matter what you say, more important how you say it!  The Southern "Ma'am", to me, is not an angry question mark. But it is a (polite) exclamation point.  

But here, in Dubai, the "ma'am"s here are just quiet periods at the end of any sentence they say to you. They say it quickly, efficiently, one short syllable, sounds more like "mom".   Yes, ma'am.  Thank you ma'am.  Of course, ma'am.  No upward inflection. No implied question mark. Just a quiet stop. 

And, blessedly, they don't talk with the expectation of any response from me.  No "Hi!  How are you today?"  They wait to be addressed.  At the most, I will get a "good morning, ma'am."  "Hello, ma'am."  Nothing open-ended.  I can nod, acknowledge and just smile.  And frankly, it's blissful.  

The majority of the service class here are from Southeast Asia.  Indian, Pakistani or Bangladeshi men seem to drive the taxis and do work/service in the hotels, restaurants.  The female cashiers, waitresses and retail sales people appear to be from Thailand or the Philippines (with strange finger-polish sounding names like "Pinky", "Teddy" "Candy" "Gigi".  I sometimes imagine what their previous jobs might have been in Thailand. . .)  

Dubai should adopt Bryan Adams for its national anthem:  They hail a cab for you.  They deliver food for you.  Everything here is done for you.  Everything is delivered for you.  Everything I do.  I do it for you.

And you don't have to tip for everything. Tipping is at is should be: appreciated, and not expected.  When I first got here, I noticed that I kept seeing the same taxi drivers waiting for me in the morning. . . clearly my "New York" tipping standards not going unnoticed here.  But I'm getting more hip to local standards.  5-10% max.  Usually service is already included in the bill.  Taxis almost never. . . maybe one dirham or two, just to round up.  

And frankly, I love it.  Okay, I did feel a pang of guilt when I found myself calling to complain that they forgot to empty one of the garbage  bins in my apartment.  (they come in to clean 2x a week!  I don't even clean my own apartment in NY that often! Shame, Betty. Shame.)  But, it was fleeting.

QUICK ROUND: 

--  It feels like "opposite" day here a lot:  Lights turn on when you push the switches "down" (not up, like we do back home.) . . . and turning off the faucet, I have to push it "up", not down.  Don't know if this is symbolic somehow. . . 

-- I went to a Holiday Party at a lovely beach bar at "The One and Only" hotel.  Found out there are TWO "One and Only" hotels in Dubai.

-- Dubai is intent on having the best Christmas trees in the world.  There are Christmas trees EVERYWHERE.  Apparently, they are also intent on having the largest Christmas tree in the world here.  

Not sure whether "irony" is a full-developed concept here yet.